hey it's cyrus. at the time of writing this, i am very caffeinated and i might still even be high. who knows. i'm joined here with pickles the frog, and im going to look back at what this year's summer was like for us.
this is pickles. she usually lives on our bed, but she came with me to help me take our meds.
mutual aid update
before i begin, i wanted to bring attention to something that happened a little bit ago. i made a post on tumblr and mastodon asking for mutual aid due to risk of being kicked out. i want to give a little update on that.
me and my girlfriend are currently safe and no longer in urgent need of donations. the deal was, if my girlfriend didnt find a job in time, we would both be kicked out. thankfully, my girlfriend did end up finding a job. as for i, i've been in the process of filing for disability and applying to food stamps.
that's all for now. thank you to everyone who spread our post around. now, about our summer.
the retrospection
to be honest, this summer sucked. there were good points though, like when my partner came to visit. but what made this summer really bad was our poor mental health.
as i wrote about last month, i was hospitalized at the beginning of july. i went in for depression and having a suicide plan. this depression would continue to follow me all summer, making it hard to get out of bed and feel energized and like i wanted to do anything.
it has been disheartening. i was sure an increase in my antidepressants would help. but it hasn't. i guess i can say that i dont feel nearly as suicidal, but i still kind of feel like shit.
so, i turned to cannabis. a delta-8 tincture specifically. our mom suggested it, and i am at a point where im getting desperate. so far... i think it's worked a little? i was told to take a tiny, tiny amount due to being unfamiliar, so im not sure. i'm trying to be hopeful.
my mom has brought up ketamine infusions in the past as well, and we recently met someone who actually gets them. it's supposedly a high success rate. im just not sure how i'd go about it here where i live. i might have to move back to ohio if i need to go down that route.
in addition to that, our servers died. hence why we're back on neocities. (if you don't know why we are referring to ourselves as we, we recently came out as plural.) there's been a few journal entries since the last time we were here, so feel free to check them out. but until we can fix the server or get new equipment, we'll be here for a while.
my relationship with the household has deteriorated since i fell under this heavier depression. i'm not seen as frequently and admittedly, i havent been doing as much frequently. i feel like my in-laws have been very cold to me as a result. i'm honestly considering moving back home anyway because i hate being here. maybe that's the goal.
some things are okay though.
like i said earlier, my girlfriend got a job. we will have to pay rent, but that will give us some sort of income regardless. we may get approved for food stamps quickly. good things.
there also has been a little spark of joy in these dark times. i started collecting dolls again. i've been collecting barbie, rainbow high, and monster high. but i'll write more about that in a future post.
not sure how this happened. well, i kind of do. but that's for that aforementioned future post. but the hobby has given me much needed joy and creativity. i was even drawing a little as a result of it, too.
i still havent began colors... but im trying to take it slow.
we also got an AC unit in our room thanks to my in-laws. that kinda gave me some hope that they still like me, i guess. but it's been very nice, especially since we have been raw dogging above 100°F heat. i'm actually wearing a jacket as we speak!
swimming has been nice too, we've gone swimming a few times this summer. i'd like to go again soon. thankfully, the community center has both an indoor and outdoor pool.
so it wasn't all bad. but overall, summer wasnt great this year.
summer's end
i think once fall comes, i'll be better. i'm hoping, at least. i'm looking forward to halloween, so that's something.
this post was... very rambly. like i said, im at least caffeinated right now. if you made it this far, thank you. here's some music for you. have a good timezone!
(ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY HATSUNE MIKU)