...

this past week, me, my girlfriend, and my partner have been united.

my partner came down to visit us this week from halfway across the country. i think. i dunno, i was bad at geography in school.

i was beyond my usual threshold of stress, trying to prepare the house and myself for the visit. all of us have adhd in this place, so it was very much a mess. we got it to a state where it was... okay.

i was also scared of how i was going to be perceived. this was my first time seeing my partner in person. sure, they have seen photos of my face, but they hadn't seen how i move or talked or anything like that. i was scared that i was going to creep them out or scare them away. i was scared of how my face was going to look in motion. i was scared of being perceived.

but, as you would expect... things turned out well. things turned out very well.

i got to finally hold them and kiss them and such. i was completely over the moon. they were just as wonderful as they are online, perhaps even more so. we got to go shopping together. we and my girlfriend got to go on a picnic, go swimming, go to the mall. we all held hands. we were together. i was with two of my most favorite people in the world, and everything was at peace.

however, all good things must come to an end. not too long ago, we just got back from dropping my partner off at the airport. i hugged them, kissed them goodbye. i watched them head into the airport. on the way home, i gazed out the window and listened to music to avoid processing my feelings. and then i got home, and my girlfriend and i's room felt... emptier. and that was when i suddenly remembered this song;

i listened to it and finally processed my emotions. i ended up sobbing.

there's something different about talking to someone you love in person than over discord or something. i mean, duh, but... i met my girlfriend over discord years ago, but i have been living with her for years so seeing and interacting with her in person is very much the norm.

ive known my partner for as long as i've known my girlfriend, but ive never interacted with them in person until this week. i have experienced and learned so much. you only grow closer as a result. but because you grow closer, its harder when they have to go home.

or maybe i just have some separation anxiety. perhaps that as well. i'm working on it.

anyhow, im now at my desk, sadly listening to Sweden by C418. i'm getting bouts of choking up again, but im trying to not cry again. my heart is heavy but i have to remember; we will meet again.

there will be always another time where we will reunite in person again. and until then, we always have each other on discord and we talk daily.

that's all i really have on my mind at the moment. i hope you're doing well, to those who read these. stay safe and have a wonderful day.