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hey, it's cyrus. so, it's pride month. a month to celebrate everything and everyone queer.

i felt an itch to write, so i just wanted to ramble about my identities as a queer person. i've had many identities in my life. bisexual, lesbian, agender, gay, transgender male, genderfluid, etc. i've had a hard time finding myself growing up due to a number of factors. lately, however, i feel like im at a place where i have found myself for the most part.

as of today, june 14th, 2023, i identify as nonbinary, queer, and polyamorous.

nonbinary

to keep things less complicated, i often tell people i'm nonbinary. a more complicated answer is that i feel as if i am every gender and no gender all at once, which i feel falls outside of the gender binary.

despite this, i often present femininely. not out of obligation or anything, but simply because i like it. i love wearing skirts, putting on makeup, doing my nails. that doesn't mean i don't like wearing men's clothing though. i'm also going to cut our hair tomorrow to a much shorter length, so that doesn't bother me either.

my gender has changed so much in my life, i've lost count of everything i've been. my gender is fluid in a way, but not really. plus, being plural also influences how we feel about gender. while most of us are some flavor of nonbinary or genderless, we have different presentations.

and i think this makes us very versatile. and i like that.

not everyone understands and i don't expect them to. my gender is for me to understand. all i ask is you just use my pronouns.

queer

this goes mostly for my sexual and romantic orientation, but also everything else. i love being queer, i love saying "queer," i will cherish this forever.

i've gone a long time trying to figure out my orientations. it has changed a lot. for a while i thought i was a lesbian, but it didn't fit as well as i was also attracted to men. i have considered bi/pan lesbian, but i feel that queer is the right fit for me. i do have a preference for women and nonbinary people, but men fascinate me just as much lol.

my attraction isn't straight in the slightest, and i find that delightful. no matter who i'm with it's always going to be queer, thanks to my gender as well.

i actually didn't know there was a queer flag until writing this. i was just going to use the progress flag. but i really like the colors on this one.

polyamorous

what's great about being polyamrous is that i can get crushes on anyone. what's bad about polyamory. is that i can get crushes on anyone.

i jest. yes, i use this new flag created by polyamproud. i like this one because its easier on my eyes. my partners also like it, so we use it. that being said, i appreciate the history behind the original very much.

i actually for a while was afraid of polyamory due to an event that happened in my life. i won't go into detail here. when i realized i was falling for my partner, but still loved my girlfriend, i had some work to do. and i still have work to do. i read up on resources and conducted research, figured out how polyamory is actually supposed to look in a general sense. i worked through some personal issues alone and with a therapist.

and i have to say... despite all my hardships, i'm the happiest i've ever have been in my life. i love my partners. and they love me, and each other. its fucking beautiful.

i didn't think i could do it. but i'm so glad to be proven wrong.

other identities

i was so busy putting this this together that i forgot what i was going to say. i talked a bit about my alterhumanity and plurality here.

well, that's all i really have to say. thank you for reading. enjoy your day/night and be safe. i've been listening to this lately.