...

this is a sort of cross-post from my less-professional tumblr.

earlier this month, i made the post above. since then, i've talked to my therapist about this predicament, and she told me something that i probably kind of knew already inside but needed to hear out loud anyways.

she told me that she understood where i was coming from, and that a lot of people also struggle with their mental health a lot during this time of year. however, she suggested a change in perspective.

she said this change would by all means would not happen overnight, but to actively dread and worry about fall and soon following winter is going to prime me to just feel bad already and much more easily. she suggested i find things that i can get excited about these seasons, so i can look forward to them and feel better about the seasons. and over time... i did find things to be excited about.

it didnt happen overnight, just as i was told. but something slowly shifted from when i started off with begrudgingly suggesting that i could be excited for halloween and samhain to my therapist, not really welcoming the idea of changing my view on things. i found tiny things to be excited about each day, all up until one day, i was just incredibly excited for fall as a whole.

and i hope to do the same with winter. autumn, i am sorry i was so bitter. i am ready for warm sweaters, cinnamon scented days, apples and hot tea while regaining my love for reading.

i'm reading House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer again, by the way. i first read this book for class in 7th grade, and enjoyed it so much i asked for it and it's sequel, Lord of Opium, for my 14th birthday. it hits much differently now that i am an adult. also, i've been slacking on providing my "suggested listening" (aka songs i am enjoying currently and just really want to share). so here is this by mili. give more of their music a listen, you wont regret it.